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Grab a seat! Last No-cost Webinar for 2018. Decrease your dependence on insurance.

 Photo by  Luca Bravo  on  Unsplash

Photo by Luca Bravo on Unsplash

Last Webinar of 2018!


In June, we held our first webinar: Private Practice through Contracting: Decreasing dependence on insurance. Demand remained high so we scheduled a second one next Sunday, July 22nd, at 3pm Central Time.

But this will be the last one in 2018. (This is not a marketing ploy. Fall is very busy and we have a family member with a health crisis requiring 4-8 weeks in the hospital come fall). To avoid "no shows" we offer a two-step process: Pre-registering to reserve a seat, followed by confirming . . . through registering on our webinar platform, Zoom.  

 Well, the 30 pre-registered "first rights" have run out. Many have registered, but not all. So, now we are opening up the seats to anyone who wants to attend--first come, first served. The nature of this webinar makes us limit attendance so participants can participate in the Q&A and gain a game plan for developing their own contacts.

If you want to reduce your dependence on insurance, have an interest in doing new and creative work, or just want to find out more, come and join us!

Here are the instructions. See you on Sunday!

Confirming Your Seat

Confirming your seat is as easy as registering for the webinar on the presentation platform at Zoom (instructions at the end of this post). Through Zoom you will get a follow up email confirming your registration and other instructions.

You can also check out our new trailer about the webinar on You Tube!

Registration Instructions from Zoom:

You are invited to a Zoom meeting. 
When: Jul 22, 2018 3:00 PM Central Time (US and Canada) 

Register in advance for this meeting:
https://zoom.us/meeting/register/53d98125bb11ffb47c24e00bf0acd2b8 

After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.

If you have any issues, please email Bryan at drbryanmiller@gmail.com

 

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Unintended Contracting

Since 1994, I have had all or some of my professional work paid for through contracts. This was NOT the plan!  I have mentioned before in this blog that I am not, by nature, an entreprenuer. To wit . . .

  • I hate the idea of sales and marketing.
  • I am not a "joiner." Involvement is not something I seek.
  • I am inherently risk-aversive.

Thus, my first contracts came by "default." That is, through no intention or effort on my part to try and sell my services. Here's how it happened . . .

1993: A colleague offered to guarantee 3 months pay to encourage me to join their private practice. The hospital, whose employ I was leaving, offered to contract with me, part time, for weekend therapy groups.

1994: Citibank, who had bought the hospital chain, closed the hospital. An education consultant, who had a contract with the Department of Education, offered me a contract to do counseling with identified kids in schools. (Realizing this part-time gig paid me better than the full-time job was an eye-opener. But, I had dreams and it was off to grad school.)

1997: A colleague of mine and I dreamed up a consulting gig as part of an assignment for a Qualitative Research class. We proposed, with support from our professors, to help improve employee satisfaction at this 3,000+ plant.

2000: A university offers me a job, but it's not where I want to live. I counter-offer to teach from my preferred location. This leads to a contract to combine trips to campus and distance-learning that continues for 15 years until I decide to retire to pursue other interests.

2003: Interest peaks among students about the consulting work I am doing and I am assigned to teach a Doctoral class on Consulting with Larger Systems.

2010: Students continue to value the class and encourage the writing of Beyond the Couch. As multiple students indicate that the class has been the "most practical" and "best class" in their curriculum, I begin to dream about how to help others benefit from contracting.

2011: I begin coaching mentees about developing contracts. These colleagues develop contracts with schools, churches, medical practices, and non-profits. Personally, I continue with my work with a limited private practice and consulting.

So, that's it.  Let me encourage you to seek colleagues, opportunities, and supports to add contracting and consulting to your "toolkit." It will open up many doors to creative and energizing work!

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Employee engagement? The problem isn't employees the problem is . . . there's no plan.

 Photo by  Conor Luddy  on  Unsplash

Photo by Conor Luddy on Unsplash

Employees get a lot of blame for their lack of engagement. Leadership initiatives to improve engagement often focus on techniques and programs to increase organizational engagement . . . by focusing on what to do to, or with, the employees. For the leaders themselves, the focus is on how to create the right environment or push the right "levers." Few leaders really know what they should focus on in their own leadership style. Below, we will give you 3 attributes to "set your sites on" to increase the likelihood to modeling engagement as a leader and increasing the odds that employees will follow your example.

Engagement

If you read leadership material, a lot of the "talk" around employee engagement is about how to get the employees to be engaged. That is, how to get them to voluntarily be connected to the organization and be willing to use their discretionary effort to reach it's goals.

Many authors note that this engagement is more than a list of actions or behaviors, it is a relationship as well, but they then, despite noting the reciprocal nature of engagement, focus on the employees . . . and ignore the leadership side of the equation. This leaves the impression often that engagement is something leaders get employees to do. Transformative leaders focus on becoming . . . and helping others become . . . aligned with the values of engagement.

So, here are a few, brief, thoughts to help focus on leadership's role in developing an engaged workforce.

Another term for engagement is "betrothal" which is defined as a "formal agreement to get married." (Seen in this light--leaders and employers are in a marriage-like relationship--is it surprising that there are so many challenges. Note that this engagement includes, a decision to enter an agreement or contract and, that contract is aimed at creating a more permanent relationship between two parties.

Leaders who want to have engaged employees need to model engagement behaviors themselves. This doesn't mean "preaching" about engagement or creating incentive to engagement behavior. Carrots and sticks only work in the short-term and ultimately disencentivze employees.

Remember, it's about a relationship . . . and no one prefers to be in a manipulative, coercive, or unsupportive relationship. Yes, unhealthy relationships exist and even persevere . . . as long as there is no better option. When another option becomes possible the relationship ends. 

While leaders often acknowledge both sides to this engagement relationship, i.e" "we want the best for our employees"; very few have thought through what it takes for a leader to engage with their employees on a deep level.  

But leaders don't have time to a deep in-depth study of what it takes to become an engagement exercise. So let's boil it down to it's roots. What does it take to model healthy engaged behaviors?  Here's what I think it takes . . . 3 primary attributes of an engaged leader . . . plus 2 for good measure!

1. Being Present

We hear a lot about "dead-beat Dads" or Mother's who "abandon" their children. We understand that to have a healthy relationship you must be present. Employees know when a leader is only "putting in the time" and not really "there for them."

2. absence can present itself  in terms of a burned-out leader, an overly committed leader, traumatic events, or other factors. A leader who is not physically, emotionally, or behaviorally present will not have an engaged workforce--or if they do, it will be inspire of the leader and due to informal leadership within the work team itself.

2. A Non-Anxious Presence

Once of the biggest killers of engagement comes through leaders that cannot operate as a "non-anxious presence." They react. They drive. They create an uncertain, anxious, fearful, environment where some employees feel threatened and cannot predict what the leader will do. Thus they engage in a lot of unhealthy coping strategies . . . lying, avoiding, playing-it-safe.  

3. High-level Communication

People think they communicate well. They don't. If you are trained and experienced in communication you know this. Within just two or three sentences, a trained expert can't identify elements that will make communication difficult, if not all-together, misleading. At it's worst it is corrosive or volitile. We do team training on communication utilizing a simple "disarm the bomb" electronic program. The teams are always terrible in the beginning. How can it be difficult to describe the color of wires or the buttons to push and in what sequence? Well, it is difficult. Imagine what happens to communication when their are emotions real consequences on people's lives in the mix.

Yet, like it or not, people are judged through the patterns of communication they employ.  This includes both verbal and non-verbal communication. It is impacted by the tendencies and trends over time but can be undone by one or more single events during high stress moments (see non-anxious presence above).

4. A Desire to Improve . . . that is stronger than a desire to protect one's since or "self!"

One of the biggest problems in working with executives or their teams is that they give "lip service" to wanting to improve but act like they are protecting their fragile egos. To date, I have never had a senior executive admit to me that they are afraid to get honest feedback, fear the challenges of changing to help their team's success, or say they are satisfied with their level of competence. I have had them resist taking negative feedback, being defensive, blaming others, or avoiding. After all, they are human, despite being accomplished and successful. This is a "blind spot" they need to get over. They need a hunger to improve that will keep them engaged when it is tough.

5. Commitment

In some form, every accomplishment is done for a reason. But reasons are not all alike in their ability to sustain effort. A reason that has deep meaning to the leader can sustains them through the difficult times . . . and keep them from "leaping ships" when experiencing quick success. The leader needs a deep commitment to something to risk engaging fully in the success of his organization. Without it employees will likely not engage deeply either. So, ask yourself this, "Why should I, as a leader, want to be present, non-anxious, and communicative?  Why strive to continue to improve?  Without good answers to these questions, your commitment, and your employees, is likely to wane with time.

All the best!

 

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The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything . . .

 Photo by  Tbel Abuseridze  on  Unsplash

 

Douglas Adam's fans who are familiar with The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy know that a group of hyper-intelligent beings demand to learn the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything from the supercomputer, Deep Through. It takes 7½ million years for Deep Thought to compute and check the answer, which turns out to be . . . 42. Deep Thought points out that the answer seems meaningless  . . . because the beings who provided the query never actually knew what the Question was.

No we do. The Questions is, What is meaning of 42?"  Well, it turns out that 42 is the approximate number of the beans it takes to make one shot of coffee. Thus the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything . . . is coffee.  Makes sense. At least to me.

So, fill up your cup and enjoy . . .

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Broken shovels and new handles.

 The poor old shovel . . . yellow fiber-glass handle finally gave out!

The poor old shovel . . . yellow fiber-glass handle finally gave out!

Sometimes you just gotta do it. I was replacing my mailbox post when it happened. The old shovel handle broke. I've been expecting it. This old, yellow, fiberglass handle was never the best. It quickly began to weaken; the digging becoming a maddening-test-of-stubborn-resistance as the handle flexed, twisted, and alternatively held it''s rigidity as a project progressed.

Now it was caput. Finished. Should I "pitch it" in joy of the cessation of the frustration and hold a wake to it's demise? No. I would replace the handle with a good, solid, wooden one. I grew up in that era. Don't through away things that still have value. Even if the time, the replacement parts, and ultimate finished product are less than ideal.

Changing that handle (see the finished product below) reminded me of the process of helping professionals with "old" skills upgrade to "new" ones. Learning to add contracting or consulting to their professional practice. The tools essentially remain unchanged but the experience is transformative.

Check out our no-coast, no obligation, webinar on Private Practice through Contracting!

 Almost makes me look forward to digging.

Almost makes me look forward to digging.

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The Neighbor, Grandpa's Gun, Reputation . . . and Authenticity?

 Photo by  Lucas Minklein  on  Unsplash

The Neighbor, Grandpa's Gun, Reputation . . . and Authenticity?

A Boy Finds his Neighbor . . . and his Dad's gun.

My Dad was only 12 years old, when, on his way home he passed by the family's wood pile, and there, laying facedown on the ground, was his neighbor. It may be surprising to you, that "finding one's neighbor facedown on the ground" didn't exactly surprise him, but it didn't. In 1934, it wasn't entirely unexpected to find a neighbor drunk and passed out. After all, everyone knew about the "moonshiners" that lived down the hill in his small Arkansas town . . . and the fact that some neighbors, including this one, liked to "hit the sauce."

It also wasn't that odd to find this neighbor in that state. He was an occasional hunting-companion of my Grandfather's, and truth be told, was known for consistently, if not regularly, "tying one on." To my Dad, at that moment, the only odd thing about finding this neighbor, in this situation, was . . . that there was a gun lying next to him, and . . . that It was his Father's gun.

Authenticity. 

Authenticity is often cited as a characteristic for professional success. I confess, at times I feel quite confused about what writers in the fields of business, professional studies, or consulting mean as they tout this authenticity as a trait necessary for success. What does it mean? Is it "being a man, or woman, of your word?" Being honest or humble (in a Patrick Lencioni sense) in not thinking first of your own safety above the needs of the organization?  Does it mean just being a "good person?"  Is it as simple as what we used to call "guarding your reputation?"

I think of my father's story when, occasionally, I ask myself, "Does reputation really count for anything anymore?" To me, growing up in a small town in the midwest, reputation meant everything. As a kid, I knew, just by observing, who the adults considered  "good people" and who, well, were not--people in whom they placed their trust.

But, I no longer operate in a small village and the clear linkage from reputation to success is less apparent. So, is this need for authenticity even true in our new cosmopolitan world?

A couple of years ago, my wife brought me a book touting some new "revolutionary" ideas she had picked up at a used book sale. She said "this is kind of interesting, maybe you'd like to read it." I instantly recognized the name. It was a T.V. pitch-man that I had seen extolling many different products over the years. I told her I didn't think he was credible, then found--on the internet of course--articles that talked about his history as a con-man, his prison sentence for fraud, and on-going "business" propositions. We tossed the book. But, just as easily, I could have not heard about this promoter and the marketing certainly made it look legitimate.

Does it still matter?

So today, does your reputation really matter?  Stories abound, across industries, that seem to imply that many who abuse this "truism," that you authenticity is important, go on hiding their true nature, fooling people who come under their sway. With the advent of on-line business, new questioning old moral absolutes, and with an expanding population, it doesn't seem that there has ever been a time when it is easier to operate in anonymity--and without accountability. 

Yet, I still see business gurus talking about the importance of authenticity. So, does it matter or are they parroting values of another age?  I don't know.  What I do know is this; I don't want to operate with anything less than the belief . . . that it does matter. I've benefitted, and watched others benefit from, great acts of personal integrity and leadership. Even if one could "get away" with being less than authentic they would still have to look at themselves in the mirror. Oh I know, the con-man is not "troubled" by feeling bad about the harm he does to others. But, I still think, down deep he knows exactly who he is, and more importantly, who he is not.

I was entering a store today in "the city" as a woman exited. She was being followed by a couple of store employees--one, of whom, was filming her with his phone. A black truck waited her at the door. As she rushed to get in the truck, she was frustrated in her attempt by the locked door. Through the open window, she barked, "Let me the *&%# in!" Her companion complied, as the employee continued to film and, moving behind the truck, transferred the focus from the woman to the truck--a truck that I now noticed had no license plate. What had she done to warrant such surveillance? I don't know. But I suspect a visit with the police is eminent. 

Coming from the small-village that I do, it is hard sometimes to justify that "world" with what happens today. Store clerks tell me that it is company policy to not interfere with shoplifters and let them walk out the door with merchandise. Educated people advocate to not prosecute various people/groups that clearly have violated laws. Too often I have heard the phrase, "What's right for you?" in collegiate discussions about cultural problems as solutions, as if, all things are subjective to the individual whims and preferences of each individual person.

The psychiatric hospital was bought by a big corporation, staffing problems became an issue, accusations were made and the state came in to investigate. Colleague stated, "You know Bryan would be the first to report it if this was really happening."

The Court and the Outcome

What happened with the neighbor? My grandfather, probably sensing what had happened, told my father to go inside and wait. Presumably, he checked out the situation, then contacted the authorities. Later, there was an inquest to follow up on this "unexplained death."  My father, as the person who found the body, was called before the judge as a witness. He told me that afterwards he had no idea what his 12 year-old self had said on the stand because he was so afraid they were going to "lock up" his Dad.

They didn't.

The ruling from the court was that it was a suicide. The neighbor, knowing where Grandfather kept his guns had evidently gone into the house, took one of the rifles, and used the woodpile to help him discharge the gun. My grandfather's reputation, behavior, and actions on that day --and before that day--as well as the neighbor's reputation for inebriation, all protected Grandpa from the fears my father entertained.

Authenticity was not an option but an expectation in my home. Watching, my father, along side my mother, as they served a small midwestern college, in a small community, over the course of 51 years, it was a lesson he'd learned long ago. It served them well.

 

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Seeking . . . Licensed or License-eligible Psychologist

 My office at BPFTP . . . early morning, ready to start the day!

My office at BPFTP . . . early morning, ready to start the day!

Many of our readers know that aside from the business consulting that we provide at HSC, Bryan also maintains a limited private practice with the Behavioral Pediatric & Family Therapy Program (BPFTP) in Lincoln, Nebraska. I had the please of working with the professionals and staff at BPFTP for 12 years and it has been a great team. If you have a bit of entrepreneurial spirit, a willingness to work hard, and a desire to be part of an innovative and pioneering private practice, in the Lincoln, Nebraska area, then you might want to check out our opening for a Licensed or License-eligible Psychologist.

 

the position description . . . 

The Behavioral Pediatric and Family Therapy Program, an established and growing outpatient psychology group, is seeking licensed or license eligible PHD/PSYD applicants for part time or fulltime clinical practice.  Since 1988, our program has developed strong clinical relationships within the Pediatric, Family Practice and Pediatric Specialty clinics in Lincoln, Nebraska, a University community of nearly 300,000 residents, as well as the surrounding region.   The majority of our referrals come from primary care physicians who utilize our services to assist in the anticipatory guidance of young children as well as to support diagnostic and treatment needs from childhood through early adulthood.  Clinical services include consultation with physicians, school, and community personnel, psychoeducational assessment, behavioral parent training, treatment of learning and intellectual disabilities, enuresis, encopresis, autism, anxiety disorders, sleep disorders, complex medical conditions and pain management, as well as biofeedback, neurofeedback, mindfulness and other strategies to promote adaptive self-regulation across the developmental spectrum.  

Our shared office arrangement offers practitioners liberal and flexible scheduling options, weekly patient staffing and ongoing clinical support from experienced senior providers, in house professional administrative support, unmatched collection rates and highly competitive earning potential.   Our reputation for clinical effectiveness and communication within the medical and educational community provides a reliable and consistent referral stream, allowing our psychologists to build a practice that best fits their own interests and skills.  Given the growing demand for our services, we will be expanding for the 4th time in 30 years and are in need of skilled psychologists who are interested in establishing a thriving, enjoyable, self-determined clinical practice within the first three months of fully paneled practice. 

Applications: please send materials via email to: diane@bpandftp.com

1.  Letter of interest.

2.  Curriculum vitae

3.  Three professional references

 

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Quick Take-Aways from the Prairie Family Business Conference

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I should be attending day two of the Prairie Family Business Association's Annual Conference. Unfortunately, pending blizzard conditions prompted an early exit from the PFBA Conference finishing today in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. But, I got to enjoy one day of the conference and I'll share a few quick take-aways . . .

 

 Craig Culver talks about the history of Culver's Butterburgers and Custard.

Craig Culver talks about the history of Culver's Butterburgers and Custard.

Stacey Cunningham, Co-founder of Aegis Performance Group

Stacey, following up on last year's presentation from Captain Mike Abrashoff's Keynote presentation on the turn around of the USS Benfold reminded us of the importance of "crew interviews"--empahasizing the importance of really getting to know employees and communication among family business families. She also talked about "after-action reviews" to try and get to the root of problems and fix them so they don't reoccur.

Craig Culver, Co-founder and Chairman of the Board of Culver's Restaurants

Craig emphasized that at Culver's "the most important people are the team members." He noted that "guests" or customers are also important but prioritized the importance of the organizational culture. Part of the success, according to Craig, for Culver is "getting the right people" and they have a significant screening process and 17 weeks of training for new franchise owners.

De Vee Dykstra and Tyler Custis from the USD Beacom School of Business

Presenting on family business research findings from surveying PFBA members, the University of South Dakota (USD) researchers noted that 60% have some type of advisory board, consisting on average of 5 members with slightly more than half, 2.6, being family members. The boards meeting typically 2-4 times a year. They noted, cautioning that these were preliminary results on a small sample, that these boards were effective at resolving business issues but not effective at dealing with the family's issues.  They noted that only 9.3% of the Family Businesses had a family council.

Wayne Rivers, Co-founder and President, Family Business Institute

Presenting on "No B.S. Family Business Planning, Rivers noted that their is a crucial difference between FBA's that operate as a "Family-Business" versus those who operate as a "Business-Family."  He emphasized the need to prioritize the business aspects and by doing this well many family problems will be avoided. He also noted that the "Business-Families" do better on multiple business factors as well stating that BFA organizations return $6 of net worth as opposed to FBAs which, comparatively, return only $1. He highlighted the need for good business planning and focusing on people as two factors in success.  Finally, he noted that a mission statement should be simple and no longer than one sentence.

Dr. Justin Anderson, JSA Advising

Dr. Anderson presented on Leadership & Next Generation Development. This break-out session was of interest because it was operating within the "wheel-house" of our own expertise here at HSC. However, being an informed consumer did not make me a great "recorder" of the points in this presentation.

Thus, a caveat, I am not the average consumer of this material. With a Ph.D. in the same core area as Dr. Anderson, much of what was presented was already familiar . . . emotional intelligence, cortisol levels and the "fight or flight" response, trust and communication."

I say this, to preface my next comment for other FBA advisors who come from the world of Psychology . . . What is being utilized to work with professional athletes, fortune 500 companies, and family businesses is parallel to what your do in your practices every day. The techniques, tools and delivery may be more sophisticated (using video for recording meetings) but the content is not. (I had the same reaction working with an international research company and a manufacturing facility back in 1998.  This international company of experts were simply using t-tests and p values . . . the most basic of statistical analysis. But that is another story for another day.)

The above statement is not intended as a criticism of the presentation, which was done well, and I am sure, was new information to those without my background. But the biggest take-aways here related to what we emphasize as human systems consultants . . . Psychological safety is critical to communication and trust. The best leaders have high emotional intelligence. Focusing on the Situation-Emotion-Response equals Result process.  All-in-all it was a good presentation of the importance of Leaders developing good emotional intelligence as a critical factor for success.

So that't the "quick takes" from the conference. I love attending this conference! It'a a great mix of service providers and family business owners.  This year I got to meet and chat with a father-mother-daughter family, who run Triview Quality Communications. It is inspiring and informative to have these contacts. If you are a family business, or a provider to family businesses, in the midwest, I would encourage you to check out the PFBA!

 

 

 

 

 

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Leaders . . . Trust and Control

 Photo by  Jenn Evelyn-Ann  on  Unsplash

Leaders . . . Trust and Control

Leaders, like other employees, want to feel trusted. Too often, leaders see relationships, both between employees and between employees and the leaders, in a dichotomy of trust vs mistrust. This duality, masks that a certain amount of mistrust is healthy and the viewpoint promotes behavior--when faced with the fact or fear of losing trust--that often turns a workable breach-of-trust into a struggle for control. Who will be blamed for the loss of trust? What will be the fall out? Will it be swept under the rug?

Nan S. Russell, in a 2011 Psychology Today article about trust in the workplace, wrote that the opposite of trust isn't mistrust . . . it's control. She's right. Or, partly right. When trust fails, many leaders, as Russell notes, fall back on control. These leaders don't see grabbing control in these situations as, what they often are, self-defeating behaviors. They focus on their good intentions . . . of protecting the workplace, correcting wrong viewpoints, or introducing reason into emotional interactions. It never seems to occur to these leaders that if employees have lost trust, they may no longer accept good intensions as the defacto position of the leader. 

But here's where I might differ from Russell's assessment. Not all leaders, I'm not sure Russell is assuming this, grab for control. Some leaders, in my experience, don't step in with control; instead, they will "flee the field"--hiding in their office, avoiding issues and/or the people . . . in one case, an executive began scheduling himself "out of the office" daily for meetings, but the board eventually found out that he was leaving to "go to the boats" and gamble. Perhaps this in control in the sense that the leader is choosing to avoid, but it certainly does not feel like control to the employees. It's more like avoidance, or abandonment.

When leaders lose trust, they need to admit their mistakes, face the consequences of their actions, and lead their employees to a new plane of transparency, openness, and daily effort to make right what was wrong. Anything less is emotional or cognitive cowardice and not leadership.

 

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Ten Reasons "Controllers" Don't Recognize their self-defeating patterns

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Photo by Moja Msanii on Unsplash

 

Ten Reasons "Controllers"* Don't Recognize their self-defeating patterns

You've seen it. The person who tries to control a situation when they ought to just leave it alone. The guy or gal who can't see that their actions are causing more harm than good. Why do they do it? Why can't they recognize their own fear? Is it "poor insight?" A lack of psychological sophistication? Poor people skills? A bad childhood? Perhaps. But here are some more pragmatic ways to look at it . . . 

  1. It has become a habit. Controlling people control. In their minds, they are helping and often they are. So, the success of "making things happen" creates a Pavlovian-conditioned state (perhaps more Skinnerian) where the behavior is likely to reoccur.
  2. Other people respond to it.  Face it. A lot of people don't want to be in control. They don't want the responsibility for the outcomes and they are happy to give up that role to someone willing to step in and take it. 
  3. It masquerades as knowledge and wisdom.  Confidence, assertiveness, bold initiatives often give the impression that the person "must know" what they are talking about. Right or wrong the controller often is, defacto, given some credit for knowledge or wisdom by reason of their action.
  4. Controlling prevents facing internal pain.  Control is a way of avoiding uncertainty, inefficiency, judgement . . . a host of states that may cause the controller to feel ways they do not want to feel. "Taking the reins" for the sake of preventing these bad outcomes is often done "for others" but really is the controllers way to avoid these emotional states themselves.
  5. It looks like confidence and leadership. Since controlling is an active process, others have to secumb or fight to take an opposing point of view. Controllers, over time, tend to win by attrition as others "give up the field" and simply choose not to fight. The controller "gains ground" simply be their natural tendency toward being on the offensive.
  6. Negative consequences are not immediate. The consequences of the controlling behavior is often accommodated, tolerated, or dismissed . . . in the early stages, especially if the desired outcomes are positive. The organization is growing, the business is making money, or the family is thriving. However, over time the impact of the control implodes. People begin to react to the control. As outcomes diminish people begin to question the controllers behavior, motives, and vision.
  7. It is often disguised in humility and openness. Controllers who don't have good people skills are simply bullies. Those who do have these skills often cloak their control in positive ways. "I only want to help." or "You can, of course, do whatever you want to do. But, I think . . ." implying often that their answer is best.  One CEO, dealing with a benevolent controlling consultant told me, "She's so nice you almost don't mind the way she pushes you around."
  8. Criticism is not allowed.  By "criticism" I mean the critical process of examining ideas thoroughly.  Many controllers are good at making logically sound, quick decisions. They may under-value the process of allowing others to evaluate the decision-making process. This leads to unilateral decisions. Not fully getting other's on board and committed and when the outcomes turn negative leading to blaming the controller for their decisions and behavior.
  9. The motivation is to help. Hard as it may be to believe, one of the reasons controllers don't see themselves clearly is because when they look inwards they know that their motivation is good. They want to help. They clear away the confusion. They prevent inefficiency that is frustrating or hindering others. They get things done.
  10. It works. Bottom line. Controllers control because it works. It achieves the short-term needs of the individual, the team, or the organization. The question controllers fail to ask themselves however is, "Yes, it works, but at what cost?" Often it is at the cost of developing the leadership skills of people working for them, developing an achilles heel of a single vision, or in family business, trampling on relationships. Long-term what works maybe be antithetical to what works in the immediate moment.

Leaders, who tend toward control, need to find ways to check their natural instinct. This does not mean downplaying their strengths or abdicating the need for "controls" in their leadership. It means having good "checks and balances" on their natural tendency.  Develop ways to get feedback from other team members, take time to get an outside perspective, create habits to incorporate others into the decision-making process. See yourself as a resource, an encourager, an enabler . . . and less of a director, tactician or decision-maker. Recognize the leadership need others have for inclusion, affection, and their own control as you lead. Long-term the likelihood of success is greater.

Others working with controlling leaders need to firmly assert the need for the leader to develop a more rounded way of leading. This may not be easy for all the reasons cited above.  The controlling leader is not likely to "see" the need for changes. The appeal is often best couched in terms of the needs of the team or the organization. "We know that you have a lot of strengths. We need to you continue to build on those strengths to meet the future demands," is one way to approach this conversation. Don't wait for the crisis, where the deteriorating conditions force this leader to "admit" that something is wrong. Challenge them to grow and demonstrate a willingness to lead in a way that is often uncomfortable for them but of great value to those they are leading.

 

* "Controllers" in this context means, "minimally well-adjusted, mentally healthy" people who value control. Controllers here does describe sociopath control issues who control out of a need to dominate others, create win-lose scenarios, and/or who are mentally unhealthy.

Get more . . . Download an eBook from HSC!

Engaging Your Team: A framework for leading "difficult" people.

Family Legacy: Protecting family in family business.

 

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I'm a Quitter! Ending Contracts . . . Finding Freedom!

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Becoming a quitter . . . ending contracts . . . and finding freedom.

I've become a quitter . . . and it's good!

I am, by nature, a loyalist.  Quitting feels like failure, disappointment, weakness. You see, I have an over-developed sense of responsibility, combined with a very strong bent toward avoiding risk, that makes quitting bad . . . very bad.  I'm also a midwesterner and, as such, we have the farm mentality; you don't quit you find a way to make it work. Bailing wire and duct tape. You can't quit on the crops or your equipment when you're out in the field. You gotta, "Getter done!"  All of which is why I am more comfortable with keeping contracts than ending them. I'd rather overcome problems (like the time I failed my basketball team), learn from mistakes if they're made, and create long-term trust and relationships. It's the path to success. Except when it's not.

A Story about Quitting

I tell a story on myself . . . that includes my oldest son (I don't think he has even heard me tell it) and a time when he wanted to quit detasseling.*  In short, I was so concerned about him quitting, that I called my Dad--who taught me a lot about leading, including the greatest leadership act I ever witnessed--seeking confirmation that I should make my son finish his commitment to detassel for the summer.  My Dad listened, then said, "He'll have to work the rest of his life, I think I"d let him quit."  "WHAT??!!!" I thought. " Did I call the wrong number?" This can't be my Dad. The guy who had us cultivate the garden every couple of weeks, all summer long, to keep us "busy and out of trouble?"

Well, it was my Dad, and his thoughts made me rethink how fearful I was about letting my son quit.

The end result was . . . I let him quit. I did, however, as a compromise, require him to set some goal for his summer (He decided to read the greatest 100 works of literature. Privately, I figured he had already read half but I let that go.) . . . and "that was that."  The summer wore on. He accomplished his goal. But no detasseling. No outside work experience. No savings.

I say that I tell this story on myself because I would have forced the issue and made him finish his commitment. Wouldn't that be best?  Well, here is the rest of the story . . .

My son went to college and found a great English mentor in a college professor.  The professor, himself, told me that he had never had a freshman student with such a grasp of literature. My son married the professor's daughter (no, I'm not making this up!), and, last year, he completed a Ph.D. in English.  

Wish he would have detasseled.

Learning to Quit

It's a lesson that has been hard to learn myself.  Quitting can be good. It still feels sooooo wrong. But, I read mentors and they often talk about "dumping" the bottom 10-25% of your "bad business" periodically.  I'm slow, but I've done it, and it has helped a lot.

For instance, I have one contract, for EAP services, that has been in place for 14 years, I like it, and its comfortable.  It checks all my boxes . . . loyalty, responsibility, safety. But other contracts had become more burdensome and did not lead to the future work I wanted to do.

So, one of the best things I've done--and for me the most courageous--is to end contracts. Me.  Myself.  Good contracts that would have continued if I didn't . . . I hate to say this . . . quit them.

In the past few years I have: 1. Quit a contract of 15 years that provided about 30% of my revenue but that had steadily become more time consuming and less fun, and 2. Quit a contract of about 12 years where I enjoyed the interactions with the staff but the work wasn't in line with my professional vision/goals. The revenue I lost has been replaced by work that is in line with the future business I want to do and has created more freedom, new energy, and helps avoid burnout..

So, I've become a quitter and it's good.

 

Have you benefited from quitting? Share your story about quitting in the comments and help encourage others!

 

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Contracting Quick Tip . . . for the good guys and gals out there.

 Published by Lubomirkin on Unsplash

Published by Lubomirkin on Unsplash

Today I had, yet another, conversation about how to establish a price for some contract work. As always, in my world of nice folks who didn't grow up in the business world, I found the conversation filled with fear about asking too much.

Despite having been told that the job was already bid out at a price probably twice what they would ask for the job . . . the doubts about losing the work, fearing the customer to think they were trying to take advantage of them if they asked too much, and a lack of information about creating a fee structure . . . was driving the price down to the point I questioned if it was really worth doing.

Once again, I found myself talking about the costs of Labor and Overhead, the risks of underpricing and never becoming a real viable business, explaining how a profit margin is like insurance for the business protecting it against risk, and encouraging, consoling, directing, these nice young people into charging the full value of what they were providing.

"Don't cheat yourself," I said. "Develop a real price structure that can give you the confidence that what you are asking for is fair and then stick with it." "Don't give in to fear."

Afterwards, I though to myself, "I should have told them to take a picture of their newborn and post it on the computer" where they were writing their proposal. I should have asked them, "Is it fair to your son to give away your labor and give away the future support you can provide for him?" Too many good people sacrifice in this way.

I think original advice is what they really need . . . a well-thought out price structure to boost their confidence and ward against the "push back" of customers wanting to get a "deal." But until then, maybe it's time to post those pictures next to the computer.

Bryan

Trying to create prices for your services? Try out our trial Consulting Rate Calculator!

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